my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
