My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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