Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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