So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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