My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
