Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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