shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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