I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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