does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
