Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
