I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
