Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
