Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
