Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
