I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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