He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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