True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
