you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
