Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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