I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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