even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
