Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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