I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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