Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
