Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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