I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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