Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
