So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
