Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
