It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
