I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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