It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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