Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
