So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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