my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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