Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
