What did we do last night that was yellow?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
