Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
