Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
