whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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