dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
