I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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