i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
