How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
