I think my fart just growled at me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
