Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
