come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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