paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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