There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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