I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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