Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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