that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
