i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
