If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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