please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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