How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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