so explain again why im purple
no
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
