Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
