i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
