he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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