Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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