ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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