i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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