It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize