I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
