there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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