Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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