Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
