im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
