i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
